Month: January 2017

A lesson in kindness

~ lindseyfescoe ~ Leave a comment

I was listening to a Christian radio station the other day and a pastor came on and challenged the listeners with this question:

Is your kindness conditional?

I had a flashback to the previous morning. I had to get up after only a couple hours of sleep. I had a lot on my mind. I was tired. I was praying for a friend undergoing major surgery. I was getting last minute things ready for my son’s birthday party… and I realized my son needed a haircut. No kid can have a fifth birthday party without a handsome haircut.

It was drizzling and I really just wanted to take a nap. Instead, I loaded up both kids and headed for the hair salon. I promised my boys a treat if they would please, for the love of all things good just cooperate with me for an hour. I parked my car and was unloading the second kid when a man in a pick up truck came flying in the parking lot on two wheels and whizzed into the spot next to us. I gave him one of those “mom” looks and I was not thinking nice things about him or his big truck.

I ushered my kids toward the door and this man jumped out of his truck and ran to get ahead of us in line to get a hair cut. I stopped dead in my tracks, picked my jaw up off the floor and dramatically looked around to see if anyone else had seen how incredibly rude this guy had just been to a tired mom with two little kids. I was in shock. I guess I shouldn’t have been. But I was. Thankfully I didn’t actually say anything out loud.

But in my head… I was beating this guy up. I mean, I had some very ugly things I wanted to say to him in that moment.

I was still mad twelve minutes later as he paid for his haircut and was walking out. He turned and gave us all the head nod and said “have a nice day.” The nerve. I just scrunched up my eye brows and said nothing in return. I couldn’t even muster a polite grin.

Apparently, my kindness is conditional sometimes. It’s easy to love those who love us in return. It’s easy to be kind when someone is kind to us. It seems so elementary but I fail continually at showing kindness unconditionally. I am not always willing to put the needs of others before my own. I teach my children to be kind even when other kids are mean to them. But their own momma can’t even get it right at the hair salon.

I want to be better. My children are watching. They didn’t hear ugly words that day. They were oblivious to that fact that someone cut us in line. But they saw their momma completely ignore someone who greeted us. They heard me sigh loudly as we sat down to wait our turn. I was not a good example that day. I need to be kind, always. The world is watching.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  – Colossians 3:12

Cookies and Conversations

~ lindseyfescoe ~ Leave a comment

“I liked your cookies. And I don’t even like chocolate chip cookies.”

(Duly noted. I’ll take him peanut butter ones next time.)

Food and kids. Nothing opens up conversations like food and kids.

Back story:

My husband Kyle and I are planning to go on a mission trip to Hungary this summer. We (mostly me) have been experimenting with fundraising ideas. My latest grand idea is selling baked goodies. I tried a new recipe over the weekend for chocolate chip cookies. It made way more than I anticipated. Since I’m trying to lose weight and be somewhat healthy-ish, I decided to bag up some of the cookies and deliver them to our neighbors.

We try to remain in good standing with our neighbors for several reasons. We feel that most of them are not believers and we are always looking for open doors to share the gospel with them. Also, my husband occasionally needs to borrow tools from them so we try to keep them happy. We also have two boys who throw rocks, dig holes and ride their various bikes, trikes and scooters in everyone’s driveways. It’s usually a good idea in these cases to be on good and very friendly terms with your neighbors if at all possible.

It’s not unusual for me to send food and goodies over to my neighbors houses. But this time… I sent Kyle and our oldest son to deliver the treats with a very specific message:

“Lindsey told us to bring you these and she needs to know if you like them because she’s going to sell them to raise money for our mission trip.”

I’m kind of a “just lay it out there” type of person. No need to beat around the bush or sugar coat anything. I needed their opinion because I was about to put my products out there for sale and I needed to make sure they were legit. If you mess up chocolate chip cookies, it’s a bad, bad day to be an American.

So, back to my neighbor. My kids and I were outside early this morning because my oldest was super excited about riding his new bike. I had thrown some old clothes on really quick, pulled my unwashed hair up, didn’t apply any make-up, swallowed down the last of my coffee and plopped myself down on the front porch to watch him ride. What I’m trying to say is that I did not want to be seen by anyone. Definitely not have a conversation with a neighbor.

But as the Lord would have it, the incredibly sweet couple next door arrived home from breakfast and saw us outside. They came right on over and the first words out of his mouth was the assessment of my cookies that I had asked for. Quick and to the point. I appreciated that.

What I did not anticipate was spending the next twenty minutes standing in my front yard talking with him and his wife. The Lord used those cookies to open up a door for me to get to talk with my neighbors about the mission trip we were going on, why I would leave my kids behind for ten days (I could ugly cry every time I think about that, by the way), what we were going to do there and every other detail they could think to ask about. They were amazed that we were going to be allowed into public schools and teach kids about the Bible. In the eight and a half years we’ve lived beside them, I’ve never had such a meaningful, gospel-centered conversation with them.

It was incredible. In that moment, I did not care how l looked, who’s driveway my kids were in or that the little one had covered himself in mud. I was so thankful for that opportunity. Sometimes I try so hard to force things instead of letting God be God and letting him work in people’s hearts in His time and in His way.

I think I received the feedback I needed on those cookies. And I think I’m going to keep making them forever and ever.

Sunday afternoon runs

~ lindseyfescoe ~ Leave a comment

I forgot how much I love Sunday afternoon runs.

Well, love is probably too strong of a word here. I love a big juicy bacon cheese burger, hand cut fries and a cold Dr. Pepper to wash it all down. And a milkshake for dessert. And then I feel like a disgusting fat pig afterwards. It kind of makes since now why I have to run, right?

But I do enjoy a long Sunday run up and down the streets of my little town. I actually love the way I feel after I run.

(Not the sore muscle part, the “I did something good for my body, I feel amazing and I can conquer the world right now” part.)

Last year this time I was training for a half marathon. As part of my training schedule, my long runs fell on Sundays. Sometimes I would run with my sister, but sometimes I ran by myself.

As an introvert who is forced to be around people all the time, I really looked forward to this alone time. It was a time for me to decompress, think through my plans for the week, reflect on life and just enjoy the beautiful creation around me. I also used the time to talk to God. Sometimes I would just blurt out whatever thought I had or issue I was dealing with. Sometimes I would try to be more focused and strategic and pick someone to pray for each mile of my run. During that particular season, my Grandpa always got the first mile. He was sick and went through major surgery, recovery and rehab throughout my training. I’m quite certain I prayed for him last year more than I’ve prayed for any one single person in my whole life.

It was a really challenging but rewarding time for me. Even in the freezing temperature and rain, I still ran and I never regretted it. Not one time.

Then the blazing summer temperatures came, I hurt my foot again, life got busier somehow and I stopped running. Obviously, I also started gaining weight. Because bacon cheese burgers, fries and DP.

A few weeks ago I tried to start back running again. I say tried because it was ugly and very painful. As slow as I was and as much as it hurt, I still had that amazing feeling after I finished.

Today, for the first time in months, I attempted a Sunday afternoon run. I did need the exercise and it was a gorgeous day for a run.

Plus, I had some stuff to deal with between me and God. I talk to God all the time but there’s just something about being alone, on a little country road, on a mostly cloudy, fifty degree Sunday afternoon that allows me to be vulnerable and real before Him. I had some questions. I had some confessions. And I had so much to be thankful for. My body only lasted about thirty minutes before I was gasping for air and had to head home but it was a beautiful thirty minutes.

As I turned the corner into my cul-de-sac and watched my four year old dart out in front of a moving car on his scooter, I thanked God again for my family, my life, my health and for thirty minutes to be alone. It’s definitely time to make these Sunday afternoon runs part of my routine again.

Creating an environment of love in Kid’s Ministry

~ lindseyfescoe ~ Leave a comment

I feel like I should clarify before you read any further that I’m really just a nobody when it comes to ministry related things. I have incredibly little experience working in kid’s ministry and I definitely do not have any type of education in any area of ministry. I’ve been volunteering with the kids ministry at my church for only a little while and I’m a mom of two preschool aged kids. That’s all the experience I have. So if you happened to stumble on this blog and are thinking you’re getting some kind of amazing revelation about kid’s ministry… it won’t hurt my feelings at all if you close this page a-to-the-sap. Take this for what it’s worth… these are just my simple observations and gleanings from the small amount of time I’ve been blessed to serve with various children’s activities in the church.

Before I had kids of my own, I mostly served in adult ministries. Then when I had my own children, I suddenly felt the burden of raising up the next generation to be Jesus lovers. I realized that these little tots I was feeding, changing and rocking to sleep are our future leaders. It’s kind of a big deal. I pray very, very often that I will not ruin my kids’ lives. No parent or child is perfect but my goodness, it takes a whole lot of Jesus to steer our children down the right paths in this broken world.

I’ve served in several areas at our church over the last few years. But recently God opened up the door for me to step into an area of preschool ministry. Shortly after, I also joined in serving elementary age kids (I LOVE them by the way. They are such a smart, sweet and hilarious group!)

Our church has some pretty amazing kid’s leaders. I learn so much just observing them interact with the kids each week. I believe with all my heart that kid’s ministry is one of the most important ministries in the church. I am continually humbled that God allows me to have a small part in working with these precious children and incredible leaders. I learn something new every time I work with these children.

Between my own children being a part of several kid’s ministries and working in a couple of areas myself, I have noticed a pattern.

Kids will want to come to your church if they feel loved when they are there.

(Or any kid’s related program for that matter).

This may be one of those “Duh!” moments for many of you. For me, it’s something I’ve realized over time. I had just never really thought much about it. I assumed the job of the kid’s ministry is to teach kids about God and His word. And that is definitely a major part of it. But it has to be more than that or I think we’ve missed the mark.

Let me try to explain what I mean.

As leaders, we create the environment that the kid’s walk in to.

We can create an environment where we teach with love and nurturing. Or we can create an environment where we have the attitude of “these kid’s are loud, I have a headache but so-and-so asked me to serve because no one else would do it and I just need to keep them alive until their parents come. And I guess I need to throw in a Bible story to make it legit.”

That last scenario sounds absolutely awful. Unfortunately, there are people that work in kid’s ministry that have that attitude. How do I know? People have literally said some of those very things to me and I have observed it with my own eyes. In a class that my own child attended. If that doesn’t turn a parent around in their tracks and make them never want to come back to your church, I have no idea what will.

After seeing this type of negative and unhealthy attitude, it made sense to me why my child never wanted to go. Now, thankfully… my child is involved in classes that he loves because he knows he’s loved. It has made a world of difference. For the record, I do believe these other teachers did love the kids. But they certainly didn’t show it very well.

When I walk in on Sunday mornings or Wednesday nights to work with the children. I have several goals. I absolutely want to teach them about Jesus. But one of my goals is this:

I want them to love coming to church.

Why is that a big deal? Sometimes kids are dragged to church, especially the older they get. Maybe it’s boring. Maybe they have no friends at church. I don’t know all the reasons. But if kids grow up loving church, I really think they just might stay in church later on in life.

A major reason that a child would love coming to church is because they know people there love them. They are safe, they are cared about and they are missed when they’re not there.

My earliest memories include memories of being at church. I never remember not liking it. I always wanted to go to church. I watched my parents serve in many different ministries at church and they taught me how to serve and care for others. But it was so much more than that. Why?

I felt loved at church. I felt safe. My teachers made me feel special.

I can’t control these kid’s home life. I have no idea what some of them deal with on a daily basis at school, at home, in their neighborhood, etc. Sometimes I get a peak into their lives when mom or dad pick them up or when they blurt out random things at random times. I can do very little about what happens when they walk out of the church doors. But I know that I have an hour or so each week to love on them as much as possible. Kids know when they are loved. Don’t we all? I have noticed it in my own children as well as others. They want to come to church when they know their teachers or leaders love them. If we create an environment of rules and bad attitudes and we think we are just babysitting… kids totally pick up on that. They will call our bluff.

My oldest is in preschool and it has been one of the biggest blessing to me as a parent. He loves it. His teacher this year is one of the best teachers I’ve ever seen. I have personally learned as much from her as my child has. Her interaction with the children and the parents starts as soon as we walk in the door. She creates the type of loving and caring environment that children can’t wait to walk in to.

My kid is usually the first one to arrive in his class each day. His teacher is literally standing at the door ready to greet us with a smile on her face. Now before you start with the argument that she gets paid to do this, it’s her job… yeah, I know. However, I have found that it does not matter whether someone is paid or is a volunteer… you can tell pretty quickly if they love what they do and if they want to be there or not. Am I right? Anyway, the teacher has her room ready with welcome activities and greets each student with a personal greeting. My child knows that his teacher is excited to see him, that she wants him there, she’s excited to teach him that day and she misses him when he’s not there. She greets us all by name, she asks how his weekend was, she comments on his new shirt and she asks him what he brought for snack that day. She sits around the table with them instead of standing against the wall with her arms crossed watching them play. She stops and answers their questions (even if she has to google the answer on her phone.) She gives me regular updates when I pick him up. My child is always making comments about how he can’t wait to tell her about this or that or that she is going to love hearing about so and so!

By watching this teacher in particular (and many others that are amazing too), I have learned how important these interactions are with children and their parents.

When I’m working with kid’s at my church now, I try to make it a point to greet each child personally. A high five, a hug or just a pat on the back. I let them know that I’m so glad they are there. That I missed them last week if they weren’t there. I ask them how their day was. I can’t do that for every single child, every single week, but I try. Kids deal with so much negativity these days. I want church to be somewhere they can come and have a  positive and encouraging experience. I’m not advocating letting them run wild. We can’t teach and they can’t learn if they are out of control. But too much of the harsh tones in our voices and talking down to them all the time does not create a very healthy or inviting environment. Engaging in conversation with them, sitting on the floor with them, looking at them in the eyes when they are speaking to you and really listening and responding to them makes such a big difference.

For me, this requires some preparation in advance. Before I even get to church, I am praying and planning to zone in to those kids and give them my full heart and attention. I have so much going on in my own life, my own home, with my own family. I do try to get there early and prepare not only the classroom, but my mind and heart. I want to be physically, mentally and emotionally ready when the first child walks in the door. That hour or so that I’m with those kids, it’s all about them and showing them God’s love the best I know how to do.

Sometimes it’s so easy to lose focus on the big picture. We think about the here and now. We get caught up in the day to day grind and rush here and there and do this and that. If we take a minute to stop and step back, we will realize we have an opportunity the speak into these kid’s lives for eternity.

We’re not “just babysitting.” We have been tasked with a huge responsibility and an incredible privilege. When we see it from that perspective, we will see the importance of making the most of every opportunity we have with children. We will want to love them, to listen to them and speak truth into their lives. We will prepare and work on creating an environment that kids will want to walk in to. And they will want to come back week after week to hear more about Jesus and how much he loves them. They will want to come to church because they know we love Jesus, and we love them too.