Children in worship services. Oh I know, this is a sensitive subject for people. Some of us are quite vocal with our opinions about this. And I’m no expert. I am a mom of young children and a kids ministry volunteer. I’ve been observing for a while and I want to pose something for parents and kid’s ministry leaders to consider.

Every church does this a little bit different and for different reasons. Some churches keep children in the worship service the entire time, some churches have an entirely separate service for the children and some churches are somewhere in between. My church falls in the “somewhere in between” category. Maybe it makes us feel a little better if we’re not on either extreme and we give this program a cute name. I don’t know. But we dismiss the younger elementary children after the singing and right before the sermon starts. Some churches want upbeat and louder music to entertain the children. Some churches want simpler, kid level sermons. Some church’s goal is to prepare kids to be able to “graduate” to big church after they know what to expect and how to behave. And I will say this, I think God can and does work in each and every one of these various scenarios.

If you keep reading this, you will no doubt disagree with me on some (or many) points, if you haven’t already. And that’s ok. I think it’s good, even healthy to question and challenge our own philosophy on children’s discipleship and evaluate our practices and programs along the way.

It is fairly common practice to keep preschool age and younger children in the nursery during the worship service. I’m not necessarily challenging that. But don’t misunderstand. I’m never in favor of it just being “childcare.” I am in support of a time, that if organized and structured well, can be a great teaching time for those children. (I know, I know, that requires effort and prep work. Another post for another day, Lindsey. Moving on…) As my oldest approached entering Kindergarten, I started asking some fellow moms what they did with their children during the worship service. The majority of them send their children to some type of children’s church. But their reasons for doing so is what grieved my heart.

“I’m with these kids all week. I need a break.”

“All they do is wiggle and roll around on the floor. It’s completely distracting.”

“They need to learn how to sit still and behave in church and then they can come in with me.”

“The sermon is way over their head. They need to be taught on their level.”

“It’s a privilege to sit in ‘big church.’ They’ll appreciate it more when they earn it as they get older.”

So then I started asking different questions. I meant well. But I think I unintentionally caused offence. I earnestly wanted to know what exactly the kids do or hear in children’s church. Some of the moms couldn’t give me an answer because they honestly didn’t know. Some told me they didn’t care as long as their kids were alive when they went to pick them up. Some told me they watch a movie and play games. I had one mom tell me that I wouldn’t be so concerned about it when my kid got to Kindergarten and I tried to keep him in the service. She suggested that I’d last one week of him in the service with me and then send him off to children’s church. Interesting.

When it came time to decide, my husband and I decided to keep our son in the worship service with us. Is there some wiggling? Yes. Is there some whispering? Yes. Does he occasionally (loudly) answer the rhetorical questions asked by the pastor? Yes. Is there continual guidance and correction from my husband and I throughout the service? Yes. Do we regret it for one second? No.

In fact, the first time he got to experience watching us participate in the Lord’s Supper, I knew there was great value in having him in worship with us. That one event sparked a conversation with my five year old that I will cherish forever. I sat and gently whispered to him throughout the Lord’s Supper. I quietly explained what each element meant, why we participate in this sacred reminder and even why he couldn’t participate yet. I left church that day with a heart filled with gratitude to my Savior. What a privilege to be the one to talk my son through his first Lord’s Supper experience. I wouldn’t have wanted to hand off that responsibility for anything in this world.

Albert Mohler, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary said this:

“You should see people sitting in pews who’s feet can not touch the floor. And we should in church, welcome the wiggling and the squirming and we should hope that what is happening is that the word of God is reaching those hearts in ways those children do not even recognize. They are speaking as children, they are thinking as children, they are reasoning as children. But the word of God can reach where we can not go.”

(https://twitter.com/SBTS/status/967212944546324480)

That last sentence is the perfect way to describe what happened during the worship service at my church yesterday. My son has his own Bible that he uses to try to follow along as scripture is read during the service. However, at some point during the preaching time, he inevitably reaches for his “worship bag.” You know, the bag with the mini white board doodle book and dry erase markers. The snack. Or whatever else I’ve thrown in that day. I have nothing against doodling in church. For some kids, (and let’s be serious, some adults too) they listen even better when they are allowed to move and wiggle a little bit. I have never expected my child to sit perfectly still in silence for the entire service. But back to yesterday. Our pastor was teaching on the crucifixion of Jesus in preparation for Easter. His message had gripped my heart with such love and gratitude and awe for what Christ has done for me that I realized I hadn’t glanced over to check on my child in a few minutes. When I did look over, I realized he had been doodling. Wondering what he had come up with this time, I looked a little closer. This is what I saw:

I felt my husband looking at me but I couldn’t look back at him because I was on the brink of tears. As my boy was listening, he illustrated Jesus on the cross. And he put himself standing in front of Jesus. But instead of putting “King of the Jews” above Jesus’ head, he put “Our King.” Oh how right you are my dear son. Jesus is our King. And we crucified him on that cross. I don’t think he fully understands the weight of what he drew or wrote yesterday. But I do think that the Word of God reached a place in his heart yesterday where I couldn’t go.

I think in order for the church as a whole to invite children into their worship services, we have to change. We need not just a heart of love for the children, but a heart willing to sacrifice our own comforts. Parents will have to step up and embrace their God-given role of primary disciple-maker of their children. We have to stop being a “drop-off society” as Merrie Johnson calls us. We are a society where many kids are dropped-off at church or in their classrooms and parents want the church to do the primary discipling of their children.

In an article titled My kid doesn’t “get” anything out of Church,  Christina Embree says, “Thus, there must be something to it, even if what they (children) get out of church is not the same as what we adults “get” out of attending church service.”

Christina goes on to describe what children do get out of attending a worship service. Don’t miss this. Children get SEEN, they get to SEE and they get EXPERIENCE. She sums up by saying, “Parents should be prepared for the inevitable eye rolls of boredom or occasional acting out and having to do follow-up after the service to reinforce what was taught. But I firmly believe these frustrations of the moment are far less painful than the alternative – a generation who is unknown, disengaged, and separated from the larger body of Christ. By giving our children a place to be seen, to see, and to experience their faith with others, we give them so much more – we give them a foundation for their faith that will leave lasting impressions on their heart.”

Preach on, girl.

I would even add that children can learn how to SERVE in church. I have talked about this many times before but my husband and I are huge advocates for our kids serving with us. Not just hearing us talk about it or even just seeing us doing it. But letting them be a part of it and serving with us. Or even finding their own way to serve. Both of my kids love coming to church early with me on Sunday mornings and helping me set up my classroom. And one of my oldest’s favorite things to do is serve in the sound booth with his daddy.

Parents and grandparents send their kids to children’s church for all different reasons. But if it happens to be for one of those above reasons that other mom’s have given me, I would urge you to challenge your way of thinking. You never know, being in corporate worship with the entire congregation could in fact, make an eternal impact on your children. I believe it’s at least worth considering.