Parenting is hard no matter how you slice it. I’m a mother of young children, I still have plenty of time to mess up my kids. I can’t offer you much on the specific how-to’s of parenting. All I can bring to the table is what God has been teaching me and point you back to Him and His word. I can offer young parents the encouragement that I’m right here in the trenches with you. We are going to make mistakes, but praise Jesus for his forgiveness and grace.

The pendulum of how I feel about my parenting ability swings from one extreme to the other. One minute I think I’ve got this thing under control and I’m rocking it and the next minute I feel like a big fat incapable failure. I tend to lean more towards to failure side though. I regularly feel like I have no clue what I’m doing. Despite how I feel at any given moment, here’s the thing I’ve come to believe:

God cares less about the latest techniques, trends and theories and more about whether or not we are consistently preaching the good news of the gospel to our kids.

I’m not discrediting all the helpful books, blogs, counselors, psychologists and podcasts. I read and listen to those often. I’m cautioning us to not get so caught up in what everyone else is telling us and trying “new” things that we miss the most important thing. Many parenting resources and many of us tend to focus more on demanding good behavior from our kids and less on making sure our kids understand the good news. I see this tendency in myself and in many other parents. Of course I want my kids to be kind, respectful and have manners. Those things are important. We should talk about and teach our kids God’s commands and laws as we sit at home and as we walk along the road (Deuteronomy 6:7). I would argue however, that head knowledge and good behavior are of little value if we aren’t seeing our kids have a heart transformation. And heart transformation is only going to come when our kids recognize their sin, their need for a savior and know the love of a God who provided the propitiation for their sin. The bottom line for me is, I want to raise kids who love God with all their heart, soul and mind and love their neighbor as themselves (Matthew 22:37-39). Love God. Love others. If my kids learn that, everything else will fall into place.

I appreciate what Jack Klumpenhower points out in his book Show Them Jesus. In the book of Luke, Zechariah was found to be righteous before God, obeying all of God’s commands. (Luke 1:6). But despite being an obedient priest, when he came face to face with the angel of the Lord and was told his wife would have a baby and this child would help prepare the way of the Lord, Zechariah failed the test. When he responded by asking for a sign, it showed that he did not believe. And he was silenced until the birth of his son because of his unbelief.  “Zechariah’s righteous lifestyle mattered little once he showed his unbelief. He left the temple mute.” So our own kids, our own “little Zechariahs,” need “to hear that the good news came to a churchy guy.” “Where Zechariah ended up is where we want our churchiest kids to end up. The path to that spot in the heart runs through the good news.” It’s not about being a good Christian and doing all the right things, it’s about what Christ has already done for us on the cross and how we respond to it. Is that what we’re teaching our kids?

While good behavior can’t be our only focus, we do need our kids to be well-disciplined. I am no scholar but here’s something I find really interesting.

Discipline comes from the Latin root disciplina which means teaching, training, self-control and forming healthy habits. And disciplina comes from the Latin word discipulus which is where we get the English word disciple. You’re not going to get to disciplina without discipulus. The root of discipline is disciple.

As wise parents or teachers who want to make disciples of Jesus Christ, perhaps the focus of our discipline should be less about strict rules and anger (with punishment resulting in short-term behavior adjustment) and more about loving correction and guidance (seeking lasting heart transformation). We have to help our kids understand that obedience to God comes from a heart that loves Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). While there are naturally consequences for actions, we should resist the urge to only address and correct our kid’s behavior. We have to remember to point out the sin, but point them to the cross of Jesus with our very next breath. Remind your kids that Jesus loves them and will forgive them.

We are not promised that just because we bring our kids up in the way of the Lord that they will choose to follow Him. I can take comfort though, in knowing that I will not answer to God for my kids good behavior or how they will one day choose to live their life. I will answer for how faithful I am to preach the good news to them and how I’ve guided them towards being a disciple. While I pray diligently that they will put their faith in Jesus, I can rest in knowing that it’s ultimately the Holy Spirit’s work in their lives that will draw them to God – and it’s truly a work that only He can do.