When we are under a greater amount of stress than normal and our emotions are heightened, we often respond more extremely to things than we would under normal circumstances.

Since the COVID-19 outbreak, the criticism by frustrated individuals towards various leaders and each other seems to have increased and grown harsher. We are being critical of our government, our schools, our churches and many others. We hold others to an impossibly high standard that we could never meet ourselves. Most of us are at home more and we scroll through social media, read news articles and become experts in everything. No matter what decisions are made about anything, as usual somebody is going to be upset. I would suggest as many others have said, now more than ever, is the time for Christ followers to extend grace when at all possible. It is also admittedly harder than ever to extend that grace.

The book of James is one of my favorite books in the Bible. James gives it to us straight and I appreciate that.

Speak and act as those who are to be judged by the law of freedom. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has not shown mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. – James 2:12-13 (CSB)

Brothers and sisters, do not complain about one another, so that you will not be judged. Look, the judge stands at the door! – James 5:9 (CSB)

I have found that asking myself the following things before I speak or write something critical has often silenced my tongue. Thinking through these things has prevented much embarrassment and shame on my part and wounded spirits for others.

• Why am I being critical of this particular decision, statement, lack of action or what have you? Often times if I examine my own heart, I find that there is a deeper issue that usually doesn’t have anything to do with the situation I’m mad about. It could be that I’m still angry about a past situation. Maybe I’m scared, worried or feel out of control about a different situation in my life. Maybe I have unconfessed sin in my life. Maybe I feel entitled to something. It is helpful to rule out anything else being the deeper reason for my frustration over something.
• Have I prayed about this situation or for this person? Have I really though? In general, I have found that when I’m praying for someone, it is obnoxiously hard for me to stay mad or frustrated at them. When I pray for wisdom, integrity and strength for leaders, I find it’s a little easier for me to patient, encouraging and gracious when they are making hard decisions.
• Is this a biblical issue or one that is simply about preference or opinion? There is still room for interpretation even among biblical issues but if it’s simply my opinion or preference, maybe I should remain quiet.
• Is there a way I can help? Sometimes there is nothing I can do but pray. However, sometimes there are ways that we can help leaders who may be overloaded and need some practical assistance. This obviously varies depending on the circumstance but it’s always worth asking am I part of the problem or can I be part of the solution. It’s good to ask how I can help and then follow through if there is something I can do. Or better yet, I can see the need and step up to meet it without anyone having to ask.
• Am I playing an unfair comparison game? This is almost always dangerous territory. Unless we are truly comparing apples to apples (even then, it’s not always wise), we should be wary of saying that so-and-so is doing it this way or that way. Absolutely, it can be helpful to seek advice from others and watch how others are handling things. But for example, it’s not realistic to be mad that our small church with minimal staff and minimal budget isn’t live streaming worship songs and a sermon every Sunday in the same way the large church down the street is.
• Have I considered that there is more to this situation than I realize or understand? There are so many aspects to each situation that our leaders are having to weigh as they make decisions. I usually do not know the whole story and sometimes I have to trust that those who do will be wise in making the right decision at the right time.

There will be times when leaders (who are human) will make unbiblical, immoral or destructive decisions and it will have to be addressed. In those times, there is still a right way and a right time to vocalize criticism, concern or correction. I can come to the table to pick a fight, prove my point or desire to see a leader fail. Or I can come with truth in love, covered in prayer and willing to forgive.

On the flip side of this, I have also been the recipient of criticism. I haven’t received criticism to the degree that I have seen others endure and it is not because I’m a leader having to make hard decisions. Sometimes the criticism was warranted, sometimes it wasn’t but it’s always hard to receive. It is in those moments when my feelings are hurt or I am righteously angry, that I have to choose to extend grace, examine my own heart and motives (possibly having to seek forgiveness) and respond in love and humility. Remembering how hurtful the criticism of others was allows me to hesitate before I speak ill towards or about others.

Right now there are so many things that are out of my control. But I am responsible for the things I can control. My attitudes (Romans 15:5), my thoughts (Philippians 4:8), my words (Colossians 3:17) and my actions (Philippians 1:27) will reveal more about my own heart than the ones they are directed to. I don’t want it to be said of me that I have a critical spirit. I want leaders and others to know that I am praying for them and doing my part to support, encourage and help during this time and beyond.