As we slowly ease out of quarantine, many of us are excited to head back to our church campuses. While we have been grateful for online worship services, nothing can compare to worshiping together with our brothers and sisters. However, there will still be some restrictions and changes in how we are able to meet again. One of the things church leaders are having to consider is whether or not there will be any type of kids ministry related activities. If we’re all being honest, we know it will be impossible to have any type of social distancing or mask wearing on the preschool hallway.

Therefore, most families that choose to go back to church campuses in these early phases of the quarantine lift will be worshiping with their children in the service with them. For some families, like my own, this is nothing new. We have already been worshiping with our children for several years and this past year we added an infant to our circus. For other families, this will be a new experience and the idea of having children in the service with them can invoke feelings of anxiety and dread. To those who fit into the later category, I encourage you to fight the urge to just stay home and instead, make the effort to go to church (as long as you are not sick or immunocompromised of course.)

As I have reflected on my family’s experience, there have been several things we have learned along the way and plenty more to still learn. We have not worshiped perfectly with our kids and sometimes we have a bad attitude, but we are thankful for grace and we keep showing up and trying again. And while I prefer to have my children with me in the worship service (even with its challenges), I know for some families, this is not what they would choose. It will be a new and possibly frustrating experience. This can be a hard situation for parents, but it will also be challenging and possibly strange for the children who will experience a worship service for the very first time. I think it’s wise to prepare yourselves and your children in order to have the best experience possible. Whether you are parents that will put on your brave face and haul your own pile of kids to church when the doors reopen, the pastors that lead them or fellow church attenders, I hope these ideas will encourage and help you.

• It is vital to have your lead pastor speak from the pulpit (and ideally before you even meet again for the first time via email/website) about how they want children to feel welcome in the worship service. If you are a pastor or church leader, please do this! It is important for parents, children and everyone else to hear the pastor acknowledge that children are not simply present, but wanted in the service. It is helpful to hear the pastor say that he understands that children will wiggle, make noise, answer rhetorical questions… simply, that children will act like children. And that’s it’s not only tolerated but welcomed. My children hear this every week from our pastor and they have no doubt that they are an important part of the worship service, they are seen and they are valued. It will take pressure off the parents to have perfectly behaved children. It will also remind everyone else that they shouldn’t be bothered by children acting like children and it may even do them a bit of good and add a smile to their day.
• Give up on the idea that your children are going to sit quietly and respectfully for the entire service. It will bring so much freedom for you and them. Yes, there will be times you will have to correct and teach them. You can just go ahead and assume that you will have to get up at some point and take one or more of them out of the service for a while. Babies and toddlers are their own level of challenging and they are all different. The same things that work for my kids might not work for yours. And it will take a few weeks to figure out what works best for you and your children but it is worth the tension. You will work through the some of the rough spots and you will be amazed at what your kids CAN do and how much they truly will rise to the level that is expected of them.
• Prepare yourself and your kids. While we can go ahead and assume that your kids will not be perfect, it is still wise to set them up for success. Here are a few ideas to help with that:
  • Familiarize your children with how the worship service flows. What is the service order? When do you sing when do you listen? When do you sit and when do you stand? Explain and set clear expectations for your children. One thing my family has found to be beneficial is that our worship pastor sends out a link to the worship songs before Sunday. We can spend the week learning or reviewing the songs together. On Sunday morning when we start singing, my kids already know the songs and can join in easier. It’s one less thing that will seem foreign to them.
  • Feed your kids a large breakfast and bring a snack. That sounds so elementary but I promise you it makes a difference. Sunday mornings are chaos in our house and it’s all too easy to be halfway to church and realize one of the kids didn’t eat that morning. A good breakfast has to be a priority in our family and when my littles don’t have growling tummies, they can focus better and have a few less wiggles and whines. I also have a snack for them – we try to avoid sugar/candy and choose something that won’t make a mess and it’s usually in a zip lock or reusable bag so they won’t make so much noise opening it. The snack isn’t essential but it keeps my kids busy for a few minutes while they are still listening and it improves their behavior because “I’m hungry for lunch” is not as big of a factor.
  • Make sure they use the restroom or have a clean diaper before the service begins (occasionally I forget to do this and I regret it every time).
  • Teach them how to participate. Help them open their Bibles and find the passage. Whisper to them and explain what is happening and what is expected at each stage of the service. We try to sit somewhat near the front of the sanctuary so that my kids can see better and we will have less distractions around us. I also allow my preschooler to be held or to stand in his chair during the singing time. Why? Because he’s three feet tall and can’t see or hear anything that’s happening while surrounded by giant adults. Kids that can’t see or hear will naturally lose interest and start acting up. Can we honestly blame them for that? When my little guy is up higher, he can see the stage and the worship leader, he can see the screen even though he can’t read yet and he can hear the music and the voices of people singing around him – mostly he can hear ME sing. He’s learning that worshiping is important to me because I’m modeling it. He is also learning how to worship by watching and hearing his parents and others do it.
  • I make sure my kids always have something to keep their hands busy – a “busy bag” of sorts. My boys are five and eight years old. They are typical energetic, talkative wiggly boys. We start with a Kids Worship Bulletin and pencils/crayons etc. Our church has preprinted ones and they are available for us each week. We use the same generic one each week that includes things like “what is the date? Who is preaching today? What book of the bible is he preaching from? What words do you hear that you don’t understand? What questions do you have?” etc. You can also customize them based on the sermon points (like fill in the blank style), but that is extra work and it takes coordination with the pastor. We bring plenty of writing utensils and crayons. Books to look at or small, silent hand held toys can be helpful. I also purchased dry erase activity books and dry erase markers for my kids from the Dollar Tree, but of course you can get them anywhere. Another mess-free favorite for my boys are these water coloring books. For older kids, have a notebook and pen for them to take notes and encourage them to follow along in their own Bible.
• Ask if your church has a designated room or area that is a safe place for parents who do have to get up and take their kids out to regroup. Some kids will find this time super challenging, especially if it’s the first time being in the worship service and they may not be able to make it through the entire service. If you have to step out with your crying baby or children who are melting down, it will be tempting to leave and go home. Instead, if it’s available, utilize the designated room for that purpose and hopefully you’ll also have access to a live stream of the service so you won’t have to miss it entirely.

The idea of having children in the worship service with adults is a big culture shift for a lot of churches. We have to move away from viewing worship services as an “adult” event that kids aren’t ready for or as an inconvenience we can’t wait to do away with again. Instead, we can choose to view worshiping with our children as part of our God-given role in discipling them and seeing them as a valuable part of the church and that their inclusion in our services is vital. A big part of how this new experience will go for your family is how you as the parent think, talk and interact with your kids about it. Sure, it also matters how your pastor and fellow church attenders think, speak and act but as the primary influencer of your children, this can be a defining moment. Instead of seeing this time as inconvenient and frustrating, view it as a blessing and a privilege. You get to be (not have to be) the one that shows your children what worship to God is, how to do it and that worshiping Him is important to you. What an honor!